Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Douches

Conscripts in the EDF come from all walks of Estonian life. It's , to quote my lieutenant, "A very accurate cross section of the Estonian society."
From what I've understood, most people complain that their served time was a total waste and absolutely horrible, mostly because their supervising officers were ass-holes, or the people serving time with them were annoying to the extreme. I'm not sure how much of this is simply Estonians being hateful Estonians (and they REALLY know how to be hateful, no doubt about that) as I can't say that my time has been annoying; on the contrary, the crazy fools I serve time with make sure there is no dull moment. Death by laughter is more probable right now than and shell, shrapnel or bullet, and all insults are given and taken with enough humour to make it feel more like a fluffy pillow smacking your face than a sucker-punch to the gonads.

Of course, this is a rant post! Haven't heard of one? Perhaps you should have a look at posts from one of my other blogs. "Thoughts of a Slightly Disturbed Gentleman" should do the trick. What? Doesn't feel like a rant post? Wait for it....

Growing up in Kenya has developed some reflexes that come in handy at times. The one that currently seems most appropriate and necessary is the "Turn off the bloody TAP!!!" reflex. It is unbelievably unnerving how much water Estonians waste during their morning ablutions. Take the simple act of brushing your teeth and then shaving off the stubble trying to conquer your face. An act that takes about 10 minutes, depending on how much of a hurry you are in (or aren't..... up to you). Now, a water-loving nut can boast that they succeeded in doing it with just a glass of water. I'm no such nut. I let the water flow, but only as long as my hand is beneath the tap (i.e. I'm using the water). Some (and I don't mean one or two) don't see the need to do so, leaving the tap running on full pressure as they brush their teeth and shave, wasting around 10 times more water than they use. On confronting one, in the early days of my basic training, one such douche replied, "But it's not me paying for the water," leaving the "...so what do I care?" part to my imagination. Another would say, "What, you expect me to close the tap when I'm not using the water?!" [A quick interruption here: Estonian taps, unlike the common taps found in Kenya work with a very easy to use lever that you pull up, and water flows. Push the lever down and the water stops flowing. To turn off the flow of water takes about as much pressure and energy as turning off the lights or pressing a button on your keyboard] And while you might see me as being weird, trying to conserve water in a country where water isn't a problem, I might rebut with the same old, "Water shortages are a global problem," or, "It's in the principle of it." I could also say that these are the same douchebags who complain of low water pressure every morning, leaving me thinking, "Well, if every third soldier here leaves the tap on while they shave, then I'm not surprised we have low water pressure, hell I'm surprised the entire town doesn't complain of pressure drops every morning and evening!" But, hey. Who am I kidding? It's Estonia!I'm practically the only one who sees this as a douche move. How about what other Estonians think about douchebags?

I share a room with a person even the Estonians feel is a real douche. So this guy is lazy and complains every time he is given an assignment, saying that he is the only one doing any work here and that everyone else keeps picking on him. Of course, his portfolio is very impressive, when it comes to achievements. Here are a few: losing practically every piece of equipment he is issued, left his phone on a bench at the railway station (said it was stolen), lost his expensive earphones (stolen, again), lost elements of his uniform, including two pairs of gloves and a jacket (essential in the winter, nobody has any idea how he succeeded), slacks off on every assignment (leaving the rest of us to deal with the problem), arrives late EVERYWHERE, the list is practically endless. All the while he sits with his thumbs and nose in his brand new phone and innocently complains that we pick on him, whenever anyone feels it necessary to pull him out of the phone and into some work. Most enjoyable is his carefree attitude and the fact that he makes it perfectly clear to all that he has no interest in being here. But that's just everyone else's opinion. I'm sure he feels misunderstood and is actually innocent of all charge.
There are others closely following the previous gentleman's methods. It seems that despite my optimistic view of my comrades, even I can't ignore some actual douches.

Now I feel like a complete fool and will stop this post right here. (What can I say? I forgot how to rant! :( )

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